This is as good as it's going to get, folks. Hey, at least this "goals essay" isn't a potential felony.... I'm always learning from my mistakes. ;) I assure you, this is not a cop out. Having no real long term goals is a deliberate lifestyle choice that is time tested to get me where I need to be and also reflected in my uninhibited and spontaneous working process.
In 1 year I want to have a full time university level teaching position either in Richmond or New York City or California (not LA and not north of SF) and in 5 years and 10 I want to be doing whatever it is a want to be doing then respectively. I have absolutely no clue what or where that will look like and don't want to. All in good time. I know this makes panning hard, but I trust my process. At this point I can't imagine getting married or having kids. I'm not opposed to it, I'm just not really worried about it. And I certainly don't have even a glimmer of a prospect there. I hope to have some good new friends and all my great old ones and eat delicious local food every day. I want to have enough money to not feel this constant anxiety and not have to check my account balance every day (how much I need depends on where I live, where I live depends on where I get a job, where I apply depends on where there are openings). I want enough space to simultaneously do all of my endeavors (I wouldn't be doing them all at the same moment but I want to be able to have all my projects out at the same time so I can easily move between them at my leisure). It would be awesome to one day pay off (or preferably have someone else pay off) my student loan debt. I don't want to be famous to the masses. I could dig being famous with the intellectual elite, but I want to still walk around fairly anonymously. I want to live to be 100 and have my parents and siblings and their progeny all outlive me.
So basically I want my life now for the rest of my life only with more money and space and possibly things I haven't thought of or things I change my mind about....
Then Ross said:
Emily,
Your post, honestly, makes me a little sad/depressed. Although I too wish for that care-free, no specifics, "fly by the seat of my pants" life, it just isn't like that. What I think though is that we can all take specific goals and go about them in a more spontaneous way. You don't have to have that cookie-cutter life that everyone else has. I agree that can become monotonous. Personally, I think you should look at yourself, deep inside, and decide what it is you are living for and make goals based on that. You don't have to tell anyone, but you will know where you are headed.
Sorry for preaching to you. I do not mean to offend and I totally understand where you are coming from because I have been there. Your post seemed very personal to me so I wanted to make a personal reply. Don't hate me. : )
Preston said:
As a wise person once said, "How do you know you've reached your destination, if you don't know where you are going?" Goals help us to measure our progress based on things we want to accomplish in life. They become a mark that we can use to measure that progress. Putting goals down on paper help us to focus. They take the idea that is floating around in our minds and congeal it on paper. Then it becomes a tangible item that we can refer to daily, weekly, monthly, etc. that keeps us on track. Goals change but one has to at least have a starting point and points along the highway that mark important destinations for us.
I replied:
No Ross, I'm not offended, and while yes, Preston you did present that nicely, I simply don't agree... for me. Especially the phrase "one has to", it literally made my whole body twitch. It's the formality that I don't like. When I turn in my bulleted list you'll see I have plenty of things I want to do, plan to do, and will do, I just don't like the structure of “setting goals”. I don't need that validation of checking things off and "feeling accomplished". I'm a very busy bee. I get A LOT done. I am very satisfied by my work ethic, focus, drive, and life.
You can think my attitude is sad or immature, and even as I typed that essay (at 4am mind you) I thought, wow, this sounds really immature. But I wouldn't write about it unless prompted because setting goals is not on my to-do list. That imaginary list is already full of projects and topics that I actually find interesting and relevant to my life. A to-do list and setting goals are very different in my mind.
Most artists do need that concrete structure. Most artists I know are flighty and spread themselves too thin, and need that to keep them in check. Some people have families and people who depend on them to get certain things accomplished. But I am a juxtaposition of two completely opposite parents. They went to junior prom together and have been happily married for almost 37 years. After high school my mom went to art school all the way through MFA. My dad went to the seminary or a year and then the Marine Corps. He did his whole undergrad in criminology in 2.5 years. My mom was a stay at home mom, and only did a little bit of art (Christmas cards and ornaments mostly) while I was growing up. My dad does things like pick up all the sticks in the woods and burn them. I think they are both totally insane, but somehow I got her creativity and his focus and drive. (And I love them both dearly!)
Also, I have a bunch of hippy dippy "grown-ups" in my life that believe that the more detailed you imagine what you want the more you will get just that, manifesting, if you will. I'm a little too analytic to buy that entirely, but it can't hurt. So when I moved I made a list of every last thing I wanted in a house and got about 90% of it. But that list would be different next time because a lot of what I love about my place I hadn’t even thought of...
I'm not trying to say anything negative about the practice of having goals at large, but I'm just too darn rebellious to take it seriously. Even if I set something in stone for myself I'd want to butt up against it, which feels like back pedaling. So "going with the flow" really is the best way for me to get the most accomplished. If I have a specific time frame that something HAS to be done, I do make to-do lists, but they are for the next day, not years down the line, and just a back up source so I know I can’t forget anything. Usually just writing it is all I need from the list.
I guess I just don't like making decisions without collecting all the information first, and how can I have all the information about what I will want in five years? Five years ago, I had never even been to Richmond... hadn't thought about graduate school, was living with a (unbeknownst to me at the time) lying, manipulative, cheater. I cringe at the thought of what I would have said I'd be doing in 5 years back then. Long after I DTMFA, and it occurred to me that I was ready to go to grad school, I only applied to Columbia, thinking if that's the place I need to be, they'll know. I wrote a really bold essay that was very "me". I had someone read it who used to be in admissions at RISD and he said it was one of the best admissions essays he's ever read, but that it was a big gamble because it was not what they are used to reading. He advised that if I really wanted to get in I should write something more traditional. I didn't. I wanted to go somewhere that would appreciate my unconventional true self. Apparently it wasn't the place for me, and the day after I got my rejection letter my best friend said, "I think want to go to grad school in San Francisco. You should come, too!" I googled art schools in SF and a week later I was enrolled here.
So save your sadness for someone who needs it. ;) I'm good.
Goal chart
I said:
I have read (and own) Bright Earth and Color: A Natural History of the Palette by Victoria Finlay.
These are fine and all, varyingly interesting, but my research is less about history and more about application. What each one does with each other one. I have to transcribe what I wrote about my book, as it's an a sketchbook and not very legible to others. I was just about to get to that.
I'm going to do vista this time as I've already paid for it, i got mine done there before, so i know the quality. I'll bookmark moo for future reference.
I'll put Savage Beauty on my amazon wish list (below Klee)!
And reference to Maren's comment "wouldn't be surprised if you had a book in you."
I wrote this earlier in the week (before the goals worksheet) and transcribed it from my notebook:
I'm actually working on what could eventually become a book but I’m still in research mode for it. I wouldn’t really call it or finishing it a goal, it’s just a project. My research is about pigment. Basically I want to know what every pigment does when it’s mixed with every other pigment.
I don't have any problem stating things I want to do, I just don't like putting it in a time line. I don’t like making any sort of commitment to it. To me that takes the fun out of it. I know I want to do and I'm working on it at whatever pace presents itself.
However, I actually think my writing is better suited to blogging. I don’t like the linear-ness of books. I do like the intimacy of being able to carry it around, curl up with it, but I love my linkage. I don’t want to have to over word things with all the sidebars, I like it better to let the reader decide which rabbit holes to go down.
I know I’m a good writer, and this writing is merely a one edit draft. When I actually do write a book it will take me forever to distill it into just the most essential verbiage. I would never publish an extraneous word. I wouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition or use any form of “be”, especially “is” and “was” which IS hard! No "very" or "really". One must restructure sentences and sometimes it feels impossible. But I love it.
Also, yes, Pro Run addict.
And yes, everyone wanting to hire me is precisely why I took the grant writing class...
You can think my attitude is sad or immature, and even as I typed that essay (at 4am mind you) I thought, wow, this sounds really immature. But I wouldn't write about it unless prompted because setting goals is not on my to-do list. That imaginary list is already full of projects and topics that I actually find interesting and relevant to my life. A to-do list and setting goals are very different in my mind.
Most artists do need that concrete structure. Most artists I know are flighty and spread themselves too thin, and need that to keep them in check. Some people have families and people who depend on them to get certain things accomplished. But I am a juxtaposition of two completely opposite parents. They went to junior prom together and have been happily married for almost 37 years. After high school my mom went to art school all the way through MFA. My dad went to the seminary or a year and then the Marine Corps. He did his whole undergrad in criminology in 2.5 years. My mom was a stay at home mom, and only did a little bit of art (Christmas cards and ornaments mostly) while I was growing up. My dad does things like pick up all the sticks in the woods and burn them. I think they are both totally insane, but somehow I got her creativity and his focus and drive. (And I love them both dearly!)
Also, I have a bunch of hippy dippy "grown-ups" in my life that believe that the more detailed you imagine what you want the more you will get just that, manifesting, if you will. I'm a little too analytic to buy that entirely, but it can't hurt. So when I moved I made a list of every last thing I wanted in a house and got about 90% of it. But that list would be different next time because a lot of what I love about my place I hadn’t even thought of...
I'm not trying to say anything negative about the practice of having goals at large, but I'm just too darn rebellious to take it seriously. Even if I set something in stone for myself I'd want to butt up against it, which feels like back pedaling. So "going with the flow" really is the best way for me to get the most accomplished. If I have a specific time frame that something HAS to be done, I do make to-do lists, but they are for the next day, not years down the line, and just a back up source so I know I can’t forget anything. Usually just writing it is all I need from the list.
I guess I just don't like making decisions without collecting all the information first, and how can I have all the information about what I will want in five years? Five years ago, I had never even been to Richmond... hadn't thought about graduate school, was living with a (unbeknownst to me at the time) lying, manipulative, cheater. I cringe at the thought of what I would have said I'd be doing in 5 years back then. Long after I DTMFA, and it occurred to me that I was ready to go to grad school, I only applied to Columbia, thinking if that's the place I need to be, they'll know. I wrote a really bold essay that was very "me". I had someone read it who used to be in admissions at RISD and he said it was one of the best admissions essays he's ever read, but that it was a big gamble because it was not what they are used to reading. He advised that if I really wanted to get in I should write something more traditional. I didn't. I wanted to go somewhere that would appreciate my unconventional true self. Apparently it wasn't the place for me, and the day after I got my rejection letter my best friend said, "I think want to go to grad school in San Francisco. You should come, too!" I googled art schools in SF and a week later I was enrolled here.
So save your sadness for someone who needs it. ;) I'm good.
Goal chart
Goal | How are you going to achieve this goal? | Who is involved? | What resources are needed? | When? |
Pigment book | Learn everything I can think of to know about it and then tell everyone who cares about it. | Anyone who perceives and engages me to tell them what I know. | Money∞ | Now until it’s done, more focus on that after graduation. |
Figurative ceramic stained glass fashion figure. | Take the ceramic head I made in Debora fritz class, paint it have my mom fire it as many times as it takes then put it into a stained glass window of whatever contemporary fashion at the time. I’ll know. | My mom and me. | I have everything I need | I’ll finish the ceramic part at Christmas, Then I’ll do the stained glas part whenever I get a access to a safe space to work with led and glass. |
Mermaid | I need to get go to Wilmington to get my piece, then I need to take it to Indiana and paint and fire and paint and fire it. | Cindy Miles, my mom, me | The piece back in my possession | I’ll probably finish this next summer. |
Grant research | I have three areas of interest: Art, starting with my pigment research and then other projects after I get a full-time position at a college Gardening: starting with tricycle Gardens and continuing wherever I move to fund urban gardening and education Bikes, I’m not going to write these grants but as I’m doing research I’ll pass any potential grant sources to my pal Walker who works for Richmond Cycling Corps, a non profit mentor program that helps inner city kids. | Foundation center, myself, someone from TG, Walker Owen | Time, internet, I took a grant writing class this summer and got 100% on the final so I feel set to write, after graduation Writing grants is the smallest part, the research, finding appropriate sources is the long and hard part. | Always∞ |
Final review | 15 abstract paintings. | Myself, final review board | I’m all set, petitioned to graduate, meeting with Craig to go over my journals tomorrow. I’m in the cue for a date, they send them out mid October. | Between Nov 21 and December |
Business card | Finish the other background image, attach text, send to print. | Myself, vistaprint | I need a yellow monoprint layer and a gold oil stick layer , then I need to shoot it and have it printed, I have a groupon for $50 that I bought for $10, Expires soon. This is my third card. The first I hand cut 4 stamps ans hand printed each one a different color on a different card stock. The second one was similar in content but didn’t have the website on it it. This one new goes with the current website. And features the web address prominently. | Before Sept 28, 9 days… |
Graduate | Work hard in this class and in Bao’s | Final review board, me, Bao | Keeping the pace. | December. |
Get a teaching job | I have a very detailed step by step plan that doesn’t fit here. And frankly I don’t want to share, as many of you are my competition. ;) | Me and a few others. | MFA, I have pretty much everything ready, resume letters of recommendation from my community college teaching job boss, testimonials, (probably not helpful, but can’t hurt) Once I graduate I’ll start looking for positions, I’ll find out exactly what each one wants | Within the next year. It would be awesome to get a job here in Richmond for spring but more likely Fall. My lease ends here in June, so I’d like to stick around at least ‘til then. |
I want a house big enough to do all of my projects | Find a job, look around there, not settle. I may have to get something smaller at first, while I get aclaimated to new job, town, but I’ll keep looking. | Not enough info yet. | Job, money, a clue where I’ll be. | 1 -5 years |
Cheryl said:
It made my day to read these goals...
Pigment book
Which book? Since I teach color theory, I have some lists, if you are interested. One of my favorites:
Bright Earth: Art and the Invention of Color
Philip Ball
I have three areas of interest:
Art, starting with my pigment research and then other projects after I get a full-time position at a college
Also, relevant is using your skill in grant writing to find fellowships to do your pigment research in Europe. There is one in Italy that allows artists to study traditional art techniques and do research. Fulbright scholarships are also an option. This is an excellent skill to have, not only for travel, residencies, but also in teaching. If you can write a successful grant, everybody wants to hire you...
____
Business card - Myself, vistaprint
I have a groupon for $50 that I bought for $10, Expires soon.
You might consider Moo.com.
Better quality than Vista, and you can print multiple images on your cards in one order. The cost is essentially the best deal out there:
moo.com
____________________________
Get a teaching job: I have a very detailed step by step plan that doesn’t fit here. And frankly I don’t want to share, as many of you are my competition. ;)
ha ha. You must love Project Runway as much as I do...
______
Also, did you see that "Savage Beauty" is on sale for $27 on Amazon???
http://www.amazon.com/Alexander-McQueen-Savage-Beauty-Metropolitan/dp/0300169787
Which book? Since I teach color theory, I have some lists, if you are interested. One of my favorites:
Bright Earth: Art and the Invention of Color
Philip Ball
I have three areas of interest:
Art, starting with my pigment research and then other projects after I get a full-time position at a college
Also, relevant is using your skill in grant writing to find fellowships to do your pigment research in Europe. There is one in Italy that allows artists to study traditional art techniques and do research. Fulbright scholarships are also an option. This is an excellent skill to have, not only for travel, residencies, but also in teaching. If you can write a successful grant, everybody wants to hire you...
____
Business card - Myself, vistaprint
I have a groupon for $50 that I bought for $10, Expires soon.
You might consider Moo.com.
Better quality than Vista, and you can print multiple images on your cards in one order. The cost is essentially the best deal out there:
moo.com
____________________________
Get a teaching job: I have a very detailed step by step plan that doesn’t fit here. And frankly I don’t want to share, as many of you are my competition. ;)
ha ha. You must love Project Runway as much as I do...
______
Also, did you see that "Savage Beauty" is on sale for $27 on Amazon???
http://www.amazon.com/Alexander-McQueen-Savage-Beauty-Metropolitan/dp/0300169787
You might like this book, then. It is one of my favorite books about the act of painting:
James Elkins: What Painting Is
James Elkins: What Painting Is
I said:
I have read (and own) Bright Earth and Color: A Natural History of the Palette by Victoria Finlay.
These are fine and all, varyingly interesting, but my research is less about history and more about application. What each one does with each other one. I have to transcribe what I wrote about my book, as it's an a sketchbook and not very legible to others. I was just about to get to that.
I'm going to do vista this time as I've already paid for it, i got mine done there before, so i know the quality. I'll bookmark moo for future reference.
I'll put Savage Beauty on my amazon wish list (below Klee)!
And reference to Maren's comment "wouldn't be surprised if you had a book in you."
I wrote this earlier in the week (before the goals worksheet) and transcribed it from my notebook:
I'm actually working on what could eventually become a book but I’m still in research mode for it. I wouldn’t really call it or finishing it a goal, it’s just a project. My research is about pigment. Basically I want to know what every pigment does when it’s mixed with every other pigment.
I don't have any problem stating things I want to do, I just don't like putting it in a time line. I don’t like making any sort of commitment to it. To me that takes the fun out of it. I know I want to do and I'm working on it at whatever pace presents itself.
However, I actually think my writing is better suited to blogging. I don’t like the linear-ness of books. I do like the intimacy of being able to carry it around, curl up with it, but I love my linkage. I don’t want to have to over word things with all the sidebars, I like it better to let the reader decide which rabbit holes to go down.
I know I’m a good writer, and this writing is merely a one edit draft. When I actually do write a book it will take me forever to distill it into just the most essential verbiage. I would never publish an extraneous word. I wouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition or use any form of “be”, especially “is” and “was” which IS hard! No "very" or "really". One must restructure sentences and sometimes it feels impossible. But I love it.
Also, yes, Pro Run addict.
And yes, everyone wanting to hire me is precisely why I took the grant writing class...
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